Happy Friday everyone! For you local people, hope you are enjoying a break from the scorching sun and embracing the cooler weather. Thanks for coming back this week and reading about my exciting news.

Continuing with my no fear 2014 year, I have made another big step. A few months ago I had read about Sunshine Coast Festival of the Written Arts which is this weekend August 14 to August 17, 2014. I was really interested in attending, but I had already had plans for this weekend way ahead of finding out about the festival and I couldn’t cancel those plans. But it got me really thinking about attending a festival and off to Google I went. Going to a writing festival has always been something I wanted to do for years, but I never felt like I could get the courage up to really go. I reassured myself this year was different and after Googling: writer festival Vancouver, writer festival BC, etc… I found one. There it was- the Whistler Readers and Writers Festival, October 17 to October 19, 2014. Of course I came up with several reasons why I shouldn’t or couldn’t go: we just arrive home on the Tuesday that week from Maui- that’s too much travel in a short time; I don’t think I could leave my son for the weekend- he’d miss me; I’m not a real writer-just pretending… and on and on it went for weeks.

One day a few weeks ago, I couldn’t get the festival off my mind. To be honest it was on my mind every day and that’s when I knew I had to go. This was a dream of mine and I had to see it through, in baby steps of course. The schedule wasn’t being released until August 8, so I convinced myself last month to find a hotel room that was refundable (in case I changed my mind) and book it. At least if I booked a hotel room for the weekend, I’d be one step closer yet have a way out if I panicked when the schedule came out and changed my mind. My fears eased. I got my Expedia.com email confirming my hotel room. Check step 1!

Next the panic leading up to when the schedule was being released. What workshops would there be? Would I want to go to any? Which writers would be reading their work? Could I really go this alone? Was I really this brave?

Last Thursday night I visited the website. www.whistlerwritersfest.com/2014-festival/ and found they’d put up the festival schedule, but the tickets weren’t on sale yet. My stomach did a huge flip-flop and I took a deep breath, reaching for a pen and paper. I scrolled through all the events details, chose the ones I was most interested in and wrote them down on my piece of paper. The next morning bright and early, I ran down to my laptop and refreshed my page. Tickets were available! With my heart racing, I added several workshops and one reading to my cart before I checked out. Only then did the panic of reality really hit me, if I clicked ‘Purchase’ there would be no refunds, no exchanges. These tickets would be mine and I’d have to go. No way out. I wasn’t going to just throw away money by cancelling in the end. I wiped the sweat away from my eyebrow. Yes my eyebrow sweats when I get nervous. I was so close to being a big fat writer chicken and not buying them, but in that moment, staring at my screen with the countdown clock counting down second by second before my tickets would then be released back to the public, I couldn’t let myself down… so I closed my eyes and clicked the mouse. Purchase!

So I am thrilled to announce, I am attending my first writers festival and I am so excited to be exposing myself to new opportunities. I am also ecstatic that I am going alone with just my laptop and plan to sit in my hotel room with the fireplace going, a glass of wine next to me and just write. Write, write, write as much as I can stand in that weekend, outside of my workshops of course. This is just for me. This is all about me, for me. It feels so good. I don’t know why I waited 31 years to be brave. Maybe it is only now that I can really appreciate my gift and don’t take it for-granted any longer. I want to nurture it, cherish it and pursue it to the best of my ability.

Whistler… look out, October 17th… I’m coming for you. 🙂

As for this weekend I encourage all of you reading to make something happen for you that is just for you. All about you. I give you permission to be a little selfish and treat yourself to something special, whatever it may be that your heart desires. Life is short and I remind myself every day I only get one shot at this life. I will not shy away from it any longer.

There’s my food for thought. Happy Friday!

❤ Melissa

 

 

Hello and happy Friday! Thanks for coming back and connecting with me. This week I took the time to look back and congratulate myself on completing 16 weeks of blog posts. Yes people we have been here together for 4 months already. I can’t believe it! After years of hiding my writing away from the world, I have finally got the courage up to make it a focal point of my life and so much good has come out of it already.

Firstly, there is this blog giving me the platform to connect with my family and friends and share some thoughts, some ideas and some of my work. Hearing and seeing everyone’s support and amazing comments has really been such a boost as a writer for me. At times it is difficult to share words that are so personal to me and the way my work has been so well received has been unbelievable. Everything I write has a piece of me inside of it and I am eternally grateful for the way everyone has responded to it.

Secondly, there have been so many people I have never met that live all over the world that have read my blog. People from 22 different countries (and counting) have read words I wrote. I can’t describe how that feels to have so many diverse people reading little old me from Vancouver, Canada. My twitter followers are a huge support group and I am so very grateful for every connection I have made with everyone. I have found lots of tips on everything to do with the writing industry just from the links people provide in their tweets. Aside from the tips people give, I love seeing that I’m not the only one out there struggling to do all the normal every day stuff and still find time to write.

I feel that I have come so far and yet have so far to go, which is okay. One step at a time and a little more courage at a time too. I have a game plan for the rest of the year and ideas of where I am going with my writing. Pursuing my writing career is on my mind from the moment I get up to the moment I lay my head down at the end of the night. I am driven to follow through on all my goals because if there is one thing I know it’s life is short, so I want to live with no regrets and no dreams unrealized. 

So cheers to Week 17! And cheers for all of you who come back every week and read my words. I can’t wait to share another 4 months with you on this journey and see where it leads me. 

For those of you still waiting for my book review of The Opposite of Maybe by Maddie Dawson it is on the way. I only have a little more to read and I am done. So far so good I have to say that I have really enjoyed reading her work. I’ll save the detailed stuff for the review which will be up next week or the week after. Promise!

Well… happy BC long weekend to those in BC and happy weekend to the rest of the world. See you next week!

❤ Melissa

 

Hello all you great people out there. Did you have a good week? I hope it brought you much good. Today I am talking distractions, a writer’s nemesis. Okay not just a writer’s issue; most of us out there love and hate a good distraction. What’s your worst distraction in life? Mine is the blinking phone distraction.

I sit down to write: balance my Sony Vaio in my lap, carefully place my phone next to me and open my Word document or my website to write the next great blog post. A few words later my eyes begin to wonder to my phone. Blink, blink, blink… red, blue, green, yellow… blink, blink, blink… could it be a tweet… blink, blink… Facebook message… blink… better just check… with fast fingers I type my password in and quickly swipe my phone down to check my notifications relief washing over me. Now I know who or what is trying to reach me. Okay… lock my screen, place my phone down. Returning my attention to my work, I type away and then once again my mind is begins to wonder- my eyes return to my phone: blink, blink, blink. Oh no… the blinking phone light distraction strikes again. I know what you’re thinking why don’t I just put my phone out of my reach and then I won’ t be distracted. BUT, imagine what I would miss out on!

In saying that, I am not a person completely obsessed by my phone. I can put it away when I go out for dinner or when I’m visiting with family or friends. I don’t understand people who go out for a nice dinner together but spend the whole time on their phones. The world is passing them by and the whole point of spending time together is wasted. So that isn’t an issue for me, but when it comes down to sitting down to write I need that out, that distraction.

In thinking about this further, maybe it really isn’t a distraction so much as multitasking. Yeah, yeah, multitasking… I mean every good writer has to be able to tweet to their followers while writing their next great novel, right? It’s all about being accessible to people. Yeah, accessibility. Okay maybe there is a fault in my logic but I never miss deadlines even with the blinking distractions. I haven’t once miss a week’s blog post since I committed myself to this. Once I dedicate myself to something I follow through; powering through the blinking light phone distractions all the while because I don’t want to miss anything happening in the moment. I have fallen prey to our instant gratification society. We want everything right now: communication, connections, information- immediately. People are posting tweets, photos, status updates one minute after the next and in this busy life, that is how we stay connected to what’s going on in each other’s lives.

Speaking of being connected, sadly I will be away from any internet connection this weekend… yes… there is sweat already collecting on my brow from the withdrawal syndrome setting in. We are going on a family vacation to a remote location without internet. Yes places without modern technology still exist! When the disconnection from the world is too much to bear, I will find try to find Starbucks close by to check in when I can. So please, comment, tweet, email me over the weekend and I will respond to you as soon as I return to civilization.

Until then, have a very happy weekend and thank you again for taking the time to read. Be sure to come back next week because I’ll be posting some of my poetry. I can’t wait for you to read my work and to hear your thoughts.
❤ Melissa

Happy Friday everyone. I hope you all had a great week. Did you get your 7 Happy Thoughts about yourself? I did. It was really scary at first to come up with one each day. It felt wrong in such a weird way like I would be full of myself if I thought of seven good things about me. I didn’t want to be vain, but this task wasn’t about vanity. It was about connecting the mind and heart and just feeling love for ourselves.

The first two days I didn’t think any bad thoughts;  I didn’t say anything bad about myself; I didn’t wiggle my tummy fat. I was off to a pretty good start, but the third day I did waiver slightly… I was thinking some bad thoughts but I quickly reminded myself of the happy thought of the day. If I’m being honest the last few days were harder still. It is very difficult to change your thought pattern in a week, so as those same old insecure destructive thoughts entered my mind, I kept thinking about my happy thought. By yesterday I had completed my 7 Happy Thoughts mission. It was hard giving myself permission to say and believe the following mantras.

1. I am a good Mother. – This one is my first thought because I am so proud to be a Mommy and believe wholeheartedly that I am a great one.

2. I stand up for what I believe in. – This is the second because this is an important part of my character. I love the fact that I am someone who will not stand in the shadows and keep my mouth closed if I see something wrong happening.

3. I am compassionate and caring- One of the best qualities I possess because I do care deeply for others and will try my best to help anyone I can.

4. I work hard to achieve my goals- Writing a weekly blog, constantly searching for ways to diversify and put myself out there is no easy task with every thing else on my plate, but I persevere anyway.

5. I am always trying to be  better version of myself- I try to review the ways I could handle situations better, be kinder to people, be better wife and mommy and be a better writer, etc. Life is about working every day to be better than the last.

6. I have a great sense of humour- Laughter is the best medicine and I love making people laugh. I am sarcastic and love to joke around. I think that side of me makes my personality attractive to people.

7. I am proud to have lost all 45 pounds of baby weight- This was no easy task. It took me 16 months after giving birth. It was difficult trying to accept my body postpartum. It certainly didn’t feel or look like how it used to, so I worked my belly, hips, and bum off trying to get back into shape. It’s still a work in progress but I am so proud of how far I’ve come.

There it is in black and white. My 7 Days of Happy Thoughts. It feels good. It looks good. It reminds me of my struggles and triumphs in my life. Isn’t that what life is all about- how we overcome the obstacles put in front of us? After reading my seven thoughts over again now, I’m starting to feel like maybe this is something I could continue. I have to change the patterns of my destructive thinking and just keep these 7 Happy thoughts close by. Every time I start to tear myself down, I’ll think about them and remind myself that I am worthy of love, life, laughter, beauty. We all are. It shouldn’t matter how other negative people view us or how they might try to make us feel less than we deserve. The only truth is what lies within our own hearts. The more we fill our hearts with love for ourselves; the less empty space there will be for hate.

I hope you did your own 7 Happy Thoughts and if you didn’t get the courage up to, I hope you try it soon. If you feel like sharing, send me a message, email, tweet, whatever form of communication you choose. If you want to keep your happy thoughts private, I respect that too. Even if we all just gave ourselves one happy thought every day who knows how the world around us might change… love is the strongest emotion.

Until next week, keep your happy thoughts written on your heart. Enjoy the beauty of  the weekend.

Take care!

❤ Melissa

 

Another week goes by… wow… I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for taking the time to check in with me and read another blog post.

This week I’ve been talking to a lot of the women in my life about self- esteem and the way we think about and feel about our bodies. The question came up in conversation when did we start hating our bodies? What changed to take us from the carefree days of our childhood to the self loathing and body image obsessing teenaged years which carries on through adulthood? It seems to gradually get worse as we age too and the more we try to fight the age spots, saggy skin and cellulite, the more frustrated and self destructive we become. When is the last time you looked in the mirror and thought I look great today? I don’t know there was ever such a day that I can remember for me. I can always find a fault; the flabby belly, acne scars on my cheeks, stretch marks, thunder thighs… I won’t bother to continue but I know a lot of you ladies out there know what I’m talking about all too well.

All these thoughts brings me back to my inspiration for my short story that was published in the Nobody’s Perfect spin-off from Chicken Soup for the Soul books. “Beautiful All Along”, which you can find and read under my “Published Work” tab on my website, is the short story I wrote about how I began to grow from a child’s body into a woman’s body and learned to accept myself. While I did make steps towards loving myself more, I certainly don’t love myself as much as I should. If I had a dollar for every horrible thing I said to myself or every time I grab the extra flab on my tummy and wiggled it in disgust, I’m pretty sure I’d be rich.

There is a great quote that has stuck with me from Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. The only person making me feel inferior is myself. I can blame magazines, models and Hollywood for brainwashing us into thinking a near skeletal woman is the picture perfect image of beauty. That would be easy, to blame someone else, but I take full responsibility for how I view myself. I admit to feeling frustrated when I work out at least four times a week, eating salads, not drinking pop,  chasing after my one year old all day and the scale doesn’t stop close to where I’d like it to. I know I will never be a size zero because I naturally have wide hips, thick sturdy legs and heavy bones. I want to feel satisfied that I put the effort in to be healthy and be happy with the results I have got.  That is difficult with all the bad thoughts circling in my mind.

I want to change that. I do. I have been taking notice of woman in the grocery store, walking down the street, wherever I’ve been and most of them do not look like a size zero. Their bodies in reality are more comparable to mine. In my mind I convince myself that the majority of woman out there have better figures than I do and less imperfections. This is simply not true.

I began to think about how to stop myself from feeling inferior. Every morning for the next week I am making a vow to write down one good thing about myself and throughout the day I am going to think about that one good thing. How terrifying it is to think about writing down 7 good things. I’ll even share those things next week on my blog. Are there any ladies out there willing to take the challenge with me? I invite you to try this with me and share your good thoughts next week. Maybe if I see the words written down on paper I’ll be more likely to believe them.

Here goes 7 Days of Happy Thoughts to bring me closer to not making myself feel inferior.

Until next week. Happy thought-ing… 🙂

❤ Melissa

Hello again…. 

This week I feel like I am under the gun. Normally I have a  blog already written early in the week and I spend Thursday editing it, so it’s ready for Friday morning…. well it’s Thursday at 1:00pm and here I am scrambling to write. I really didn’t even know what to talk about this week. Though I have a list of  ten topics to blog about ready to go, I didn’t feel like any of them fit my mood this week. I tried to keep things light last week with my blog topic but I can’t suppress the fact that my heart is heavy this week. I’m sure most people in my life wouldn’t have any idea because I try to keep it well hidden. I feel like every where I turn: the news, Facebook, work, life, there is more and more sad news. Death, destruction, illness, sadness… it’s like evil is always at our heels. Even at the best of times I tend to get overwhelmed by my emotions because I take it all into my heart. Writing is the only way for me to take what I am feeling and put it into words. I am hopeless when it comes to talking out loud about my feelings and it isn’t because I don’t trust the people I love the most with my fears and worries… it is because I myself most of the time cannot understand them enough to try to explain how I am feeling. I have always been better at listening than talking.

I continue to search for understanding in this world…. it seems it is easier to be sad and angry then it is to be happy and hopeful. I know this isn’t always the case; one example this week is yesterday at work I received a call from one of our members who just called to thank me for helping him and doing a great job. He said he appreciated what I had done for him and wanted me to know. I appreciated his appreciation. 9 times out of 10 the calls I receive are from someone complaining about the rules in our office. Why? Why are we so quick to complain and so hesitant to compliment? I’m still trying to figure that one out!

My Dad put it best this week, “it seems most people in this world are living their lives asleep”. When we will wake up and see? We are destroying this precious and beautiful world with our need to consume and our hate. Fishing all our fish to extinction, disposing of our garbage in the ocean, clearing forests, people killing each other… when we will wake up and see we are capable and deserving of so much more?

It won’t be tomorrow, not a year from now, probably not even a decade from now. That doesn’t stop me from continuing to try to do better. I will still recycle as much as I can and try to produce less waste by using less plastic ; I will support those who advocate for protection of animals and Mother Nature; be more conscious of the products I purchase and the impact they make on the planet. But above all else, I will teach my son to appreciate this Earth, to search for ways to treat it with the respect it deserves and do better than his parents have, than his grandparents, than his great grandparents and to one day teach his children to be better than him. I will keep my hope that over the next few generations they will find a way to fix most of the destruction we have caused and  learn from our ignorance and neglect. I will hope maybe those generations yet to be will be born into this world, awake, and full of love for each other and our precious home. Hopefully they will see advancing technology isn’t the answer we thought it was but rather fuels greed and corruption.

I hope this enlightenment will happen before the wrath of our destructive ways is irreversible and the gift of this world burns.

I know we are capable of more, of better.

I pray we get the opportunity to prove it.

With a heavy but hopeful heart,

Melissa

Hi everyone, hope you are doing well post-Easter. This week I have been back to work six weeks already. Man times flies! I swear each week is faster than the last. It feels like just yesterday I was still pregnant and preparing to leave work for my new job as a Mommy.

On my last day of work before my maternity leave started, I remember walking out of my office and crying because I didn’t know how I would handle such a life change. Five days a week I’d get up and work in my office and now seven days I week I’d have no routine, no sleep, no idea what I was doing as a new Mommy and I was terrified. I love routine and a schedule; it keeps my anxiety in check when I know what to expect. Leaving for the unknown that day was a big moment in my life. It was difficult at first and Google became my life savior. I Googled everything! What do to for a fussy baby… How long should they be sleeping a day…How  many feedings should they have… and on and on. Even though this child has been growing inside of you for nine months, when they finally are born, you still are strangers. It took a while to learn how to anticipate his needs and what each cry meant. Once Dylan was a few months old and we got into some sort of routine, I loved my new Mommy life.

As long as a year sounds in your head, it isn’t long at all. Before I knew it my maternity leave was up and I had to return to work. Luckily they accepted me back on a one year contract working three days week, but once again I found myself filled with anxiety. For weeks leading up to my return to work date, I had many nights where I couldn’t sleep. I would be in bed all night with my eyes closed praying that I would fall asleep. Whenever I’m consumed with anxiety sleep is the first thing to go. I couldn’t help but obsess about what would happen to Dylan leaving his Mommy three days week. How would I feel? How would I deal with the guilt? What if I hated it? Was I making the right choice going back and leaving him? How would I balance being a working parent, being a Mommy at home, and continuing my writing career? It’s consuming.

The first few weeks were hard. There were some days when I missed him so much and almost let my emotions get the better of me. I felt guilty dropping him off at daycare when he was crying and reaching for me and I just walked away. I felt guilty when the daycare said he had a bad day and I actually had a good one at work. I enjoy adult conversation and connecting with my co-workers. Being a stay at home Mom is certainly lonely sometimes and I felt it. The only thing that brought me a small amount of comfort is the agreement I had with myself. I would give going back to work a three-month trial period. If after three months I hated being at work or Dylan still hadn’t adjusted to daycare, I would sit down, reassess our living situation and make the necessary sacrifices, so that both of us could be happy.

Six weeks in to my return I am happy to say I think we both are in a great place. I am enjoying my work life and Dylan is loving his daycare friends and activities and of course his time with Ome and Grandpa. I am still finding time some where in the mix of my crazy week to write. It’s certainly not the same time every week but I make time when I can. It is not easy. It’s beautiful outside right now and I’d love to enjoy some sun, but making time for my writing comes with its own set of sacrifices. BUT I am happy and at peace. For the first time in my life I finally feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I am pursuing my writing which fulfills my creative side; I am a Mommy and wife which fulfills my heart; I am a worker which fulfills my intellectual side.

Some people love change and handle it well. I am not one of those people. I don’t deal with the unexpected well at all, but that is a whole other story for another day. However, I survived this change and will go forward until the next challenge comes. I feel like this is the point where the song by Destiny’s Child – Survivor should start playing in the background. I’m not gon give up I’m not gon stop I’m gon work harder. Ha, ha…

Anyways, it looks like my three-month review of our situation is going to go well. One day maybe I will be better at accepted change and maybe even be excited for it. For now, I will enjoy my new routine and expected schedule. That for me is good enough for now.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my blog and connect with me. 🙂

❤ Melissa

Hey everyone, hope this finds you well. I’ve finished my second week of returning to work. I handled it better than I thought I would. In the weeks leading up, I was so heartbroken thinking about leaving Dylan for the whole day three days a week. He’s slowly adjusting to the routine and I’m slowly trying to remember that I won’t be able to know every detail of his day while he’s at daycare. So hard!! I do enjoy having adult conversation while I’m at work and being able to stay seated for longer than five minutes but I so miss my time with Dylan. I love our daily activities and playing with him all day. I am so fortunate that I get Thursday and Friday with him and then weekends as a family with Daddy. I’d like to say that I appreciate my time with him more now, but I appreciated every second with him on maternity leave just as much. I really have never taken anything for granted because of everything we went through when I was pregnant. There was a time when we weren’t sure if his brain was developing properly, but so far he has been developing perfectly and more than we could have ever expected and I am so grateful. He is perfect! But I guess every mother says that about their children. Really, I feel so lucky to be his mommy.

In the midst of all of this, I’m still finding time to write my story, Unforeseen, though I’m finding it difficult too. I know where the story is headed but it is so difficult to jump in and out of the story every week. I should be writing every day to stay in the story with the characters but sadly it just isn’t possible. At best I can find two days a week to write for a few hours, three days on a really good week. The worst part is when I do get the time my mind wonders and tries to convince me to be doing other things. Procrastination! Yep my worst enemy. I’m always trying to fight it off and it’s always fighting just as hard back.

At the end of the day, I’m just proud of myself that I’m still writing. I’m still doing my best and my heart is still in the story. I’m happy with the way things are coming along even if it’s painfully slow. All good things are worth waiting for and nothing good comes easy. Life is a struggle, a beautiful struggle. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

❤ Melissa

I am running away and joining the circus. What part will I play? Juggler extraordinaire! I can hear the carnie introducing my act right now. Step right up folks, step right up, watch as the Magnificent Melissa struggles to juggle, a husband, a baby, two cats, family, friends, a house, laundry, dishes, her workout routine and rehab from her car accident,  her ever failing writing career and tornado of emotions and new for 2014 her daring return to work. Yes folks, don’t miss the chance to witness it all come crashing down around her.

My talent is not uniquely mine however; nope I share this talent with basically every person out there. We’re all just trying to make it through the day keeping the most amount of balls in the air as we can. The key is balance and I’m practicing really hard at it. Right now I feel like every morning I make a conscious decision as to what ball I’m keeping my eye on that day, today is laundry… so all the other balls get neglected and I deal with laundry. Tomorrow is writing… so the house is a mess, the laundry piled up, my husband neglected, I feel flabby cause I didn’t get my work out in which ultimately leads to those emotions trying to make a run for my attention, but nope I let that ball fall to the ground because today is not the day for tears and guilt and self-pity, but he’s a determined little guy and somehow I manage to pick it back up and throw it back into sequence because I always manage to find a few minutes for guilt because maybe I’m not doing enough and sadness because another day disappears and I haven’t given enough.

I juggle these items all to the rhythm of my one year old’s schedule.

Wake up: Ball one- Dylan, up it goes.

Dylan naps: Ball two- Clean up, in the air.

                       Ball three: Exercise- up.

                       Ball four: Shower, change, go go.

                       Ball five: Prep lunch, quick go.

Dylan wakes up: Ball two through five, crash down. Ball one, soaring in the air again.

                       Ball six: One outdoor activity lasting no more than 1.5 hours or ball one (Dylan) will certainly come crashing down but he won’t go quietly and no one wants to see Ball seven (Mommy emotional breakdown) make its way into rotation.

Juggle, juggle, crash, crash, juggle, crash and round in rotation we go. Most days I take the balls as they come, but even as I write this post I have a cat sitting to the left of me, a basket of laundry to the right and next to the laundry, the husband (neglected) and playing Candy Crush and the other cat between his legs and I can’t help but let that guilt ball fly, fly high because I have taken double the amount of time I thought I needed to write this post because I had to stick with my witty juggling analogy which takes a lot of thought to be clever when I could have just said… not enough of me to make every one happy and every thing on the to-do list accomplished.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pack my bag… I hear the circus is coming to town.

❤ Melissa