My Heavy Heart Confession

Hello again…. 

This week I feel like I am under the gun. Normally I have a  blog already written early in the week and I spend Thursday editing it, so it’s ready for Friday morning…. well it’s Thursday at 1:00pm and here I am scrambling to write. I really didn’t even know what to talk about this week. Though I have a list of  ten topics to blog about ready to go, I didn’t feel like any of them fit my mood this week. I tried to keep things light last week with my blog topic but I can’t suppress the fact that my heart is heavy this week. I’m sure most people in my life wouldn’t have any idea because I try to keep it well hidden. I feel like every where I turn: the news, Facebook, work, life, there is more and more sad news. Death, destruction, illness, sadness… it’s like evil is always at our heels. Even at the best of times I tend to get overwhelmed by my emotions because I take it all into my heart. Writing is the only way for me to take what I am feeling and put it into words. I am hopeless when it comes to talking out loud about my feelings and it isn’t because I don’t trust the people I love the most with my fears and worries… it is because I myself most of the time cannot understand them enough to try to explain how I am feeling. I have always been better at listening than talking.

I continue to search for understanding in this world…. it seems it is easier to be sad and angry then it is to be happy and hopeful. I know this isn’t always the case; one example this week is yesterday at work I received a call from one of our members who just called to thank me for helping him and doing a great job. He said he appreciated what I had done for him and wanted me to know. I appreciated his appreciation. 9 times out of 10 the calls I receive are from someone complaining about the rules in our office. Why? Why are we so quick to complain and so hesitant to compliment? I’m still trying to figure that one out!

My Dad put it best this week, “it seems most people in this world are living their lives asleep”. When we will wake up and see? We are destroying this precious and beautiful world with our need to consume and our hate. Fishing all our fish to extinction, disposing of our garbage in the ocean, clearing forests, people killing each other… when we will wake up and see we are capable and deserving of so much more?

It won’t be tomorrow, not a year from now, probably not even a decade from now. That doesn’t stop me from continuing to try to do better. I will still recycle as much as I can and try to produce less waste by using less plastic ; I will support those who advocate for protection of animals and Mother Nature; be more conscious of the products I purchase and the impact they make on the planet. But above all else, I will teach my son to appreciate this Earth, to search for ways to treat it with the respect it deserves and do better than his parents have, than his grandparents, than his great grandparents and to one day teach his children to be better than him. I will keep my hope that over the next few generations they will find a way to fix most of the destruction we have caused and  learn from our ignorance and neglect. I will hope maybe those generations yet to be will be born into this world, awake, and full of love for each other and our precious home. Hopefully they will see advancing technology isn’t the answer we thought it was but rather fuels greed and corruption.

I hope this enlightenment will happen before the wrath of our destructive ways is irreversible and the gift of this world burns.

I know we are capable of more, of better.

I pray we get the opportunity to prove it.

With a heavy but hopeful heart,


4 thoughts on “My Heavy Heart Confession

  1. Doreen May 30, 2014 / 4:00 pm

    I agree we have become a throw away society. I guess because its cheaper to buy new than recycle. We need to think more of playing it forward and less about how we can get even with someone

  2. Duane May 30, 2014 / 5:35 pm

    If we don’t change there will be no world for generations to come.

  3. Patti May 30, 2014 / 10:09 pm

    I’m with you girl… It’s all about educating the next generations to save what generations before them have done…
    PS. you are very inspirational:)… thank you!!!!

    • sasloveswords May 31, 2014 / 9:52 am

      Wow.. thank you Patti for reading and for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your kind words!

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