Having Baby Two: My Revelation

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2016-03-03 16.02.11Hello lovely people, thanks once again for coming back this week. Another blog post, I’m impressed with myself. Funny though, talking about parenthood is easy as breathing for me right now. I am in the thick of it; treading water hard to keep my head afloat. I have yet another confession, well let me call it more of a revelation actually. This is something I discovered about myself as my little one was turning three months old. Now, only now, I can I officially say I know what busy is. With one child, I felt like I never had time to do things and even felt like I never had time to myself. I remember when my first was three months old, I had come to my breaking point. I cried to my husband that I felt like I was drowning, never having a spare moment to just be by myself. I was breastfeeding my son exclusively and was desperately starting to feel suffocated by it, so we agreed that every night at bedtime he would give our son a bottle and put him to bed while I had an hour to myself. Just to myself. That moment changed everything for me. It was amazing. The boys had time to bond together and I got my sanity back. Now, I look back and laugh at myself. No freedom… honey you had lots of freedom! Today I struggle for ten minutes to shower (though let me tell you when I get those ten minutes it… is… pure… heaven).

Nowadays I let my newborn son breastfeed for an hour on and off at night to keep him quiet while my husband puts our older son to bed. Yeah that’s right I have my son sleeping on me with my boob out and should he wake up again he quietly goes back to nursing and I get a chance to sit and watch MOMMY’S TV shows instead of bloody Paw Patrol for the millionth time. Now I’m sure there are plenty of people out there judging me or wanting to lecture me on how bad it is that I let my son nurse on demand like that at night, but honestly I don’t care what anyone thinks or says. That is my sanity time, though I might not be alone; it is quiet. My husband and older son are happily reading stories upstairs; the toys are still spilled all over the floor to which I choose to ignore and I sit down on the goldfish crumb filled couch to watch my recorded episode of “The Bachelor” or “Long Island Medium” or whatever I choose because it is my time. Sure it would be nice to sit down without having my boob out, but for now I like to say having children is only about survival. Yours. Theirs. So I do what I need to do at the time to ensure everyone’s survival. If that means I rent out my boobs at night time, they are all his!

There you have it… my revelation. Having your first baby turns your life upside down, inside out over again and it’s rough to adjust at first, but having your second is so much easier given that you are now a practiced parent; however, there is no time. No time. No time. No time. I have never been so overwhelmed, so tired and so happy. I, we, are surviving the best we can and that is enough for now. 

So I am throwing my hand up in the air and high-fiving any of you parents out there with one, two, three… ten kids. You are doing a great job! You are doing the best you can! None of us hear that enough. Awesome job day after day doing what you need to do to give your kids the best of yourself. Keep it up!!!!

Until next time,

❤ Melissa

Return To Words: Big News!

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QuoteWow… having a newborn can really make time fly! Five months have passed since my last post. I can’t believe it. This is the first moment I’ve had to sit down and open my laptop to my website. Yes, I also forgot how much work babies are. They are glorious, amazing, time and energy absorbing people; so demanding and rewarding. My second sweet boy arrived October 14th, leisurely at his own pace after over twenty six hours of labour. It almost felt like he was never going to come out. But he did. He has filled our lives with perfect little smiles and laughter; his easy going personality is so welcomed; however, he still requires so much of my love and attention. I have been so enjoying adjusting to my life as a mommy again. I get to love two fantastic boys, watch them grow and reciprocate love for each other. I feel incredibly lucky. Of course these two boys consume 99% of my time, day and all night, so that doesn’t leave much time for myself. Here is my blog… standing idol… waiting for me. I miss it terribly. I miss writing. I miss reading. I would miss my time with my boys more, so I wouldn’t trade a second. Somehow having my second son, I appreciate the time with my kids way more than I did before. I see how increasingly fast time goes and how it slips so quickly through my fingers. There will come a day where they both won’t need me at night time to feed and cuddle them; there will come a day when they don’t need help bathing; there will come a day where they won’t grab my hand and ask me to come play trucks and cars with them; there will come a day when they will grow up and I will just be left with the memories of my precious moments with them as babies. I will not rush it. I won’t wish it away or try to make them grow up faster than they need to. I am relishing every single second with them, every morning I get to bring them into my bed and snuggle with them while the world outside waits; every night I go into their rooms one last time before I go to bed to kiss them and tuck them in. I love it, love, love, love it. I love being a Mom more than I could have ever imagined possible. Writing is my hobby… maybe one day my career… but being a Mom… that is my calling. I truly feel like being a Mom to these two special little boys is what I was brought here to do. They are my everything. With that said, I will be back when the mood strikes and words come spilling out my heart. For now, my boys are sleeping… yes at the same time… YES that is super rare these days… and here I am with rare time on my hands thinking of them. Which leads me to, I have added a new category to my blog, “The Mommy Chronicles” because I’m afraid as much as I love talking about reading and writing, babies and baby stuff are all consuming right now on my brain, so perhaps I will go with it and write about it. Mom life. My life. Let’s see where it goes! Thanks for coming back again! Stick around.

❤ Melissa

Ever Constant Change…

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change quoteHappy Friday once again my friends. Hope you have been well. This week I have been reflecting on change in life, mostly because well I am about to have a huge change in my life. This was my last week at work before my maternity leave starts. I finished Wednesday. One of the things I love to do most in life is observe and dissect people; I’m not sure if it’s the writer in me trying to pick apart people to create more realistic characters or whether it is simply just my own curiosity about how people think. Either way I have been watching people close to me and monitoring their reactions to the change in my life. It’s so interesting how everyone deals so differently with life situations. Some pushed me away keeping me a distance and some clung to me trying to spend as much time as possible before I left. All the time while watching others, I was still trying to figure out how I felt about everything. By nature I am a creature of habit. I like routine. I like knowing what to expect (as much as possible) of the next day. Minimizing the unknowns, brings me comfort and balance. Having a baby has to be one of the greatest way to throw all routine and knowing to the wayside. Yet here I am, three weeks give or take away from another great, wonderful, scary unknown change in my life and I’m still dancing the line of denial. Yes, the room is 90% ready, yes my bag is 90% packed, yes I just finished my last of work, yes I have a game plan for the next couple weeks to get some extra sleep in, cleaning and all the things that I won’t be able to do…. but… I just can’t bring myself to go the full 100% to completion. I think this is my last defiant stand against change, as if I have some control over it at this point. Ha! As if I don’t pack that last item in my hospital bag, this baby can’t come yet. Delusional? Probably. I am well aware that life shows us over and over again that the only thing we can count on is change and change will come when life demands it, not us necessarily. Everyone has been asking me, so are you ready? My answer… well sure if my baby came today I suppose you would say I am ready, but in my mind, I am not, I am only 90% ready. 

This morning my son woke up stupid early from a bad dream. A cat was chasing him and he was scared. I eventually got him back down in his crib, but my mind was furious with thoughts of my life to come. There was no going back to sleep for me, so I sat alone on the couch in a dark, quiet house. As my laptop was starting up, I couldn’t help but think perhaps this time in a few weeks I would be doing the exact same thing only it wouldn’t be a laptop it would be my newborn in my arms. I remember those early mornings with my first son; so early it felt the world hadn’t even opened its eyes yet. There the two of us were snuggled together in a blanket and I would just stare at him in awe and love. No distractions, no sounds, no people… those moments were just ours and ours alone. Before I know it, with an exhausted body, blood-shot eyes, craving just fifteen more minutes of sleep, I will sit alone in a quiet, dark room with my baby and steal a few moments for just the two of us, together. In those moments I know I will realize despite my doubt and never-ending worry, perhaps, just maybe, secretly, I really was 100% ready all along to give myself fully to another tiny human. Maybe I am not so bad at this change thing after all. 

Time, short time, will tell. Thank you for stopping by and reading. Until next time! May life bring you sweet, wonderful happy change. 

❤ Melissa

Where I Stood A Year Ago

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Happy Friday everyone. I am so excited to be busy prepping for our family trip this weekend; our son’s first camping trip. It’s going to be fun. As happy as I am about that, I was a little bummed this week. I received an email earlier this week from the Whistler Writer’s Festival talking about Laurence Hill headlining and also reminding that tickets go on sale August 10. This time last year I was counting down the days to the release of the weekend schedule, so I could snap up my tickets to the events as soon as possible. This year I am sadden to say that I won’t be able to attend the festival, but for one very good, very exciting reason… I will be having a baby!! I can’t imagine I will be able to go to the festival with a newborn attached to me. So that is my exciting, secret news I have been keeping from you, with the exception of my family and close friends who already know of course, but now my online writer friends know too. Yep, I’m pregnant and due October 10, 2015. Of course having a baby is a huge blessing and we couldn’t be more excited to add another member our family, but having a newborn means making small sacrifices for me. My writing being priority is definitely one of those sacrifices… unfortunately I fear my work will have to simmer on the back burner for a bit while I adjust to life with a newborn again and it also means that I won’t be able to attend the Whistler Writer’s Festival this year. However, I do have intentions to attend next year and can’t wait. I also have full intentions to continuing my blog while in full new mommy-hood again, but it could be a little sporadic in the beginning until our family settles into its amazing expansion.

So a year ago I stood so excited to embrace my first writer’s festival, ready to commit to learn and indulge in the full experience being inspired by other writers. This year I stand so excited to embrace my role again as a mother and the special connection and experience I will share with my next child. It is amazing the change in focus a year can bring, from personal growth to family growth. The difference a year makes!

So there you go! Hope you’ll stay with me on my continued journey.It’s sure to be fun and busy!! Thanks for stopping by. I hope everyone has an amazing weekend!

Til next time!

❤ Melissa

With All The Wrong Words

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Happy Friday everyone! Hope you all have had a great week. Last week Wednesday was my birthday, so I definitely was spoiled with love and a nice family weekend away on Vancouver Island. So I can’t complain. I was actually so inspired by love that I have been working on a poem called Beacon this week. Working really hard, but not finding the right words to express the love in my heart. The poem is inspired by the love I have for my son. I wanted to write it to express how deeply I feel about him and how he changed my life the moment he came into it. The difficulty is explaining the feeling of love between a mother and her child in words; it seems almost impossible. The words I find on the screen are just underwhelming, so I think this will be a poem that will have to wait to see the light of day. I don’t want to post something that I am not completely happy and proud of, so I will spend a few more weeks perfecting it. I know when I give myself enough space and time and listen to the right inspirational music, the words will follow. I just need to get out of my head and just let the words fall on to the page.

I’ve been finding it difficult these days to get any words down on the page. I wouldn’t call it a case of writer’s block as much as a case of distractions. My mind is running one hundred miles per minute on a million other things, so it’s been rough trying to clear those thoughts to let my writing shine through. This happens to me all the time when daily life consumes me and takes over causing me to find many reasons not to be able to sit down at the computer and write. Given that I look at my writing as just as hobby, it is far too easy to say it takes lowest priority on my to-do list. I actually spent some time on Pinterest yesterday (yes Pinterest is a total time sucking vortex for me) looking for some inspirational writing quotes. I find reading words of wisdom really helps me accept that I am limited by myself only and that others feel the same way I do, but then they dust off themselves, dry their tears and begin to type again. One quote that I liked was, “Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.” – Louis L’Amour. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Ernest Hemingway, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” So very true!

On that note, my son is requesting my attention now, so I must go. The day must go on. You have a wonderful weekend and hope you get to make magical memories with your family and friends. Cheers to searching for the right words! 

Until next time!

❤ Melissa

On A Tired Whim

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Screenshot 2015-06-05 09.12.23Hi everyone, happy Friday! Hope all is well in your lives. This week I wanted to give you a warning; something I learned the hard way. Do not search Groupon on your IPAD, late at night after a long, tiring day. No good will come of it. You will end up feeling emotional and purchase something on a whim. Like me!

May 22, 2015, 10:19pm: I am alone in my bed. Hubby was away for the weekend; kiddo was sound asleep in his bedroom; my cats curled up on the floor. I had a few moments to myself to relax before I shut my eyes to fall asleep. My finger somehow found the Groupon icon on my IPAD, I’ll just look a few quick minutes, just to see. I tell myself. Suddenly there I am scrolling through “Top Deals For You”… let’s see how well you know me Groupon…

“Spa Package, Massage, Facial, Manicure”.. sure that would be nice.

“Engraved Magnetic Bottle opener”… meh, no thanks.

“Oil Change”… yeah that reminds me I need to check my mileage tomorrow.

“Three Day Juice Cleanse”.. always on my “I gotta do that” list.

“Online Children’s Story Writing Certification”… okay you got my attention now *click*

$19 for a 18 module online writing course detailing how to write a children’s book. And I’m thinking aw, wouldn’t it be so nice for me to write a story for my son. A story he could cherish and one day pass down to his kids. He would love that. He loves to read; every night we read together. My heart is bursting with excitement now thinking about all the things he loves that I could create into a story… about construction machines, about our cats, about himself on a wild adventure, about trains… so many possibilities. None I had seriously considered before; it never occurred to me that I would want or could create a children’s book before. I didn’t know how to start. This Groupon could get me there. It would get me there. It would give me the tools to give an amazing and precious gift to my son.

Before I knew it, I had added it to my cart and was on my way to check out. Purchase! It was done and now this Groupon was mine, under “My Groupons” awaiting the chance to be redeemed. I didn’t regret it, but I was laughing about it the next morning when I woke up. Just another thing to add to my summer to-do list. Start and finish Children’s Book Writing Class. While I do always enjoy learning and make a point to take a class every other year or so, maybe this summer wasn’t the greatest idea to put more on my plate. But hey, I wouldn’t be me unless my plate was overflowing! 

So coming from someone who over-analyzes everything, who obsesses about every possibility before purchasing anything… if you’re looking for a way to spend some cash without much thought, do it on Groupon late at night. Ha, ha! You’ll end up with a cart full in no time.  So here’s to another adventure, another chance to learn something new and to do something for my son. I promise to keep you posted of my progress with the course and the end result! Thanks for stopping by. Hope it is as sunny whenever you are as it is here where I am. Enjoy your weekend!

❤ Melissa

Happy Birthday to sasloveswords.com

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Happy-Birthday-balloons-vector-1Happy Friday everyone! And happy 1st birthday to my website!! Bring on the balloons, hang up the streamers, let’s celebrate! One year has flown by… I can’t believe it. I owe another huge thank you to all of you who were with me from the beginning and for everyone that joined along the way. Your support is immeasurable, truly. As with any new adventure, the first year had its ups and downs; sometimes to the point where I wasn’t sure if I would be able to continue, but when I saw people reading my words and responding with such encouragement it pushed me to not give up that easy. So who wants cake? Ha!

There are some things I learned along the way this year. First thing was I am more tech-savvy than I thought I was. Okay so a lot of credit has to go to WordPress for supporting my site and giving me a template to work with, but not everything was so straight forward. I still had to figure out how many tabs to create, sub-tabs, how load the information to those tabs. I am not web designer, so I basically just was flying by the seat of my pants and making it up as I go. Secondly I discovered a deeper understanding of myself through writing my posts each week. I understand more how my self-doubt and fear holds me back from my potential and when I get the courage up to push myself passed those boundaries wonderful things happen, like meeting complete strangers all over the world who I connect with. It’s amazing! I also learned that it’s really okay to take a little selfish time to myself, let the laundry pile up and the dirt sit on the floors a little longer, so I can have some time to do something I am so passionate about. I have written almost 40,000 words in my book, rediscovered a love of my poetry, revisited old short stories and fueled my love of the written word. I took a weekend by myself to go to a writer’s seminar which really inspired me and gave me more tools in my belt. I feel like I have come far, but still have far to go. The year ahead is not going to be an easy one to balance, for reasons I am not yet ready to tell the world, but I will persevere and do my best. I will keep my heart and mind open to new experiences, to find inspiration every where I can and to enjoy each day as it comes with the highs and the lows.

I hope you will bare with me and stick around to see where the next year will lead. I will continue to post my poetry, book reviews and random writing thoughts and adventures. I will stay consist as much as I possibly can.

Thank you all for reading; thank you for sharing; thank you for being there; thank you for your encouragement.

Happy, happy birthday to my blog!! Cheers!!!

❤ Melissa

Unsuccessful: Finding The Silver Lining

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Happy Saturday everyone. Hope you had a good week. Sorry for posting a day late, but my mind has been elsewhere these past few weeks. I’ve been fighting a nasty cold since last week which certainly hasn’t been easy with my son being sick too.  Cold season sucks!!! I am so ready for it to be springtime and ready to embrace the warmer weather.

Anyways a few weeks ago I don’t know if you remember me talking about how I submitted  one of my short stories to a contest. It was the Writer’s Digest Short, Short Story contest that I submitted to and a couple of weeks ago I got an email with an update on the judging. My heart was racing with excitement and fear as I clicked on the email to read. Over 6500 entries were submitted to this contest and the email went on to say the editors had already been in contact with all the winners previously. Wait, what? Already made contact? Oh no, what if I missed an email… I searched my junk mail… nothing. Searched my inbox… nothing. No email from any editor about the contest. I didn’t win a place in the top. Ouch! The disappointment I felt lasted a few moments before I reminded myself that I love my short story; I am proud of my short story. I took a chance but 6500 short stories is a lot of competition and obviously the judges were looking for something different from what my story had to offer. That’s okay! At the end of the day, I don’t need to win a contest to validate that what I wrote has touched many people who have read it. The fact alone that I could affect and touch one person reading it is enough validation alone. Included in the contest entry cost was access to a free webinar about self publishing which has given me more information, some inspiration and food for thought, so I certainly didn’t walk away from this  a loser. I am a winner because I took a chance.

 “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” ― Winston S. Churchill

So off I go with my knowledge and another contest under my belt. Off to the next writing experience. I hope you all have a great rest of the weekend. Until next time! Thanks again for stopping by.

❤ Melissa

Could It Be Too Good To Be True?

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Hello again everyone. Happy Friday! I’m back this week with a question that has been weighing on my mind for months now. Could it be too good to be true? I have been trying to find another way to make some extra income with my writing. Creating a masterpiece novel is quite time-consuming and difficult to reap financial rewards in a short-term period, so I have been wracking my brain trying to find another way to continue to write and get paid. Win, win! I stumbled across an ad in the Writer’s Digest magazine for AWAI’s Accelerated Six-Figure Copywriting Course. I checked out their website and read all their promises for a six figure career working part-time from home: your own hours, your own home, lots of money. The course they offer is risk-free and they state they will refund your money if you decide that this course just isn’t for you after all. At first I bought in hook, line and sinker, thinking yes, this is what I have been looking for. I didn’t need to make a six-figure income, just a comfortable one that I could do on my own schedule, but the more I thought about it, the more I started to doubt it. Could it be too good to be true? Could I really succeed in this industry? I’m not saying anything negative about AWAI or their course because I am sure it is an excellent resource, but I am not sure how I would succeed with it. Could I create good marketing material that companies would want? How competitive is the industry in my area? Would it be something I enjoy or just a way to make money?

Every couple of years I like to take a course to learn something new. The last one I took was a Freelance Writing course from ICS Canada which I absolutely loved and learned so much from. I loved the online setting and the fact I could take the course at my own pace from home. That course gave me the confidence to return to my writing with the hopes one day I could make a career from it.

I am still strongly considering taking a copywriting course, but I have a family now, so if I’m going to commit time and money to something I have to make sure that it is worth it. To my writer friends out there, have you had any experience with copywriting or know anyone who has? Did they take an online course? Do they enjoy it and find lots of work? I appreciate your feedback. The more info the better! My indecisiveness while weighing the pros and cons is exhausting.

Well I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I’m off to give my sick son some extra good mommy snuggle time to make him feel better. Snuggle time is my favorite time!

Thank you as always for reading.

See you next week!

❤ Melissa

Emotional Recklessness

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QuoteHappy Friday! It’s a bittersweet Friday for me. I’m happy because it is the weekend, but I’m anxious because it’s Friday already. I feel like it was an hour ago that I was scrambling last week to get a post up and here I am again this week in full panic mode. This is no way to write, under all that pressure. It took me all of today obsessing about it and repeating in my mind… you have nothing to say… you have nothing to say… you’re going to skip this week… I know it… you’re going to fail yourself and post a big fat nothing.

I am emotionally reckless. I am tearing my writer self apart for not prioritizing my writing more. Even during the crazy rush of Christmas, I didn’t feel this far behind. The days are literally slipping through my fingers. My son Dylan was sick at the end of last week and the beginning of this week, so he was needy. He only wanted Mommy snuggles at bedtime which is usually when Dad takes over and I can get a few moments to myself. I have been working hard on trying to get a family trip to Kelowna organized and booked. That is not an easy task with nine of us involved. My house is a train wreck, almost to the point where I was considering moving to save myself the hours and hours of cleaning it. That took up a huge chunk of my day yesterday and will again today. I looked into it… it was too expensive to move, so I had to clean. I have to do a bunch of planning still for Dylan’s party including some baking this weekend. The only break I got so far this week was a couple of hours to write my book. Although I was trying to come up with every distraction I could before I convinced myself to sit down and write. But I did. Slowly and steadily the word count is growing. 36,272 words written!

Even my office job is so busy at the moment that it can get overwhelming at times. The only time at work when I feel like I can get a moment to breathe is when I spend my hour lunch break in the gym. Thank God for that quiet alone time to myself. Our gym is the size of a closet but it is functional and ninety-nine percent of the time I am alone.

All of this is making me feel edgy and anxious. Especially writing my weekly blog. It is probably just a phase I am going through, but I feel like I have lost direction and focus here. I am not sure what my message is. I want to share my poems and book reviews. The blogs in between are just my random thoughts relating to life and writing. Is that enough to sustain me? Am I talking about things people want to read about? Am I saying something people can relate to? Oh those self-doubt demons are lurking around me. They are wanting me to make excuses and give up. It is easier to run and hide then stay and fight. I am emotional reckless:, tired, scared, anxious, happy, frustrated, overwhelmed, hopeful.

I am going to end this week on hopeful. I am hopeful above all the rest. Hopeful in my heart I know the direction I am taking my writing. Hopeful I am capable of maintaining balance. Hopeful I can continue to forgive myself when I don’t. Hopeful I remember I am human and am I doing the best I can at each moment of my life.

80s-life-quotes

❤ Melissa