Friday morning… another blog deadline and I have nothing written. It’s 7am; I have a baby climbing on me and I’m typing this on my phone. Lord knows there’s no point dragging out my computer cause the kids think it’s a toy. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is on TV… that’s our staple first TV show of the morning.
I’ve been feeling completely uninspired as of late for my blog posts. Nothing comes to mind about what I should write about. My youngest brother got married at the end of last month and my mind was busy focusing on that. Then there was our annual family camping trip immediately after and my mind was busy packing for that. But those are over now. I suppose you could say my mind is now focused on back to school for my son. More accurately first day of preschool. Yes, it’s a big step. Next month my oldest will be going to preschool. I’m excited for him… I’m anxious… I’m a little sad. Another big step means another milestone means my little guy is growing up. Of course that’s inevitable but still, it makes my heart feel a little bittersweet. Even though he talks and acts like he’s a teenager, he still is so little. But he’s so ready for school. He’s been showing us plenty of signs: asking us to point at words when we read at night so he can learn them, pointing out letters he recognizing out and about in the world, acting up at home because he’s bored in the afternoon when he’s been stuck at home all day.
In my heart, I know he’s ready. I guess I’m wondering if I’m ready… ready to let him go out into the world. School is an overwhelming place. He’s going to face other kids and the cruelty that sometimes comes with it: being laughed at, being excluded, being bullied. Yes, he will experience all the good that comes with it too: learning, sharing, making friends. I just don’t know if I’m ready as a parent to help him face all the bad in the world. There will come a time when he will ask why someone won’t be friends with him, why someone will be mean to him, why he can’t just stay home with Mommy and play. How will I answer those questions??? I believe in being open and honest with my kids but sometimes I struggle to understand the world let alone explain it to my kids.
I want to keep him a child for as long as possible. Kids grow up too fast these days. I want him to stay in the security of his familiar surroundings where he’s comfortable to be himself truly. All the yelling outbursts, the tantrums, the cuddles and kisses. One extreme to the other. I know here he feels safe enough to express all his emotions fully, be it good or bad. But that would be selfish of me to keep him. The world isn’t always a safe, comfortable place and my job is to prepare him one day to thrive on his own. So step one is preschool. I know he’s going to do amazing. He is destined to conquer great things in this world. He’s driven and convicted.
In a few weeks, I will put my brave mommy face on and walk him to the doors of his new school. I will hug and kiss him one more time while I reassure him that he’s going to have a great day. I will smile and blow a kiss while I walk away all the while holding back my tears.
Wish me and more so him luck as we navigate these uncharted waters together.
Until next time,
❤ Melissa
Kids are purely amazing. They will teach you so much about yourself if you are humble enough to let them. I read this quote by Lao Tzu once that really resonated with me, “If you are depressed, you are living in the Past. If you are anxious, living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the moment.” It explained so much about myself. As someone who has suffered with anxiety throughout my life, I finally made the connection that I was all too often living in the future. 
Hello lovely people, thanks once again for coming back this week. Another blog post, I’m impressed with myself. Funny though, talking about parenthood is easy as breathing for me right now. I am in the thick of it; treading water hard to keep my head afloat. I have yet another confession, well let me call it more of a revelation actually. This is something I discovered about myself as my little one was turning three months old. Now, only now, I can I officially say I know what busy is. With one child, I felt like I never had time to do things and even felt like I never had time to myself. I remember when my first was three months old, I had come to my breaking point. I cried to my husband that I felt like I was drowning, never having a spare moment to just be by myself. I was breastfeeding my son exclusively and was desperately starting to feel suffocated by it, so we agreed that every night at bedtime he would give our son a bottle and put him to bed while I had an hour to myself. Just to myself. That moment changed everything for me. It was amazing. The boys had time to bond together and I got my sanity back. Now, I look back and laugh at myself. No freedom… honey you had lots of freedom! Today I struggle for ten minutes to shower (though let me tell you when I get those ten minutes it… is… pure… heaven). 
Wow… having a newborn can really make time fly! Five months have passed since my last post. I can’t believe it. This is the first moment I’ve had to sit down and open my laptop to my website. Yes, I also forgot how much work babies are. They are glorious, amazing, time and energy absorbing people; so demanding and rewarding. My second sweet boy arrived October 14th, leisurely at his own pace after over twenty six hours of labour. It almost felt like he was never going to come out. But he did. He has filled our lives with perfect little smiles and laughter; his easy going personality is so welcomed; however, he still requires so much of my love and attention. I have been so enjoying adjusting to my life as a mommy again. I get to love two fantastic boys, watch them grow and reciprocate love for each other. I feel incredibly lucky. Of course these two boys consume 99% of my time, day and all night, so that doesn’t leave much time for myself. Here is my blog… standing idol… waiting for me. I miss it terribly. I miss writing. I miss reading. I would miss my time with my boys more, so I wouldn’t trade a second. Somehow having my second son, I appreciate the time with my kids way more than I did before. I see how increasingly fast time goes and how it slips so quickly through my fingers. There will come a day where they both won’t need me at night time to feed and cuddle them; there will come a day when they don’t need help bathing; there will come a day where they won’t grab my hand and ask me to come play trucks and cars with them; there will come a day when they will grow up and I will just be left with the memories of my precious moments with them as babies. I will not rush it. I won’t wish it away or try to make them grow up faster than they need to. I am relishing every single second with them, every morning I get to bring them into my bed and snuggle with them while the world outside waits; every night I go into their rooms one last time before I go to bed to kiss them and tuck them in. I love it, love, love, love it. I love being a Mom more than I could have ever imagined possible. Writing is my hobby… maybe one day my career… but being a Mom… that is my calling. I truly feel like being a Mom to these two special little boys is what I was brought here to do. They are my everything. With that said, I will be back when the mood strikes and words come spilling out my heart. For now, my boys are sleeping… yes at the same time… YES that is super rare these days… and here I am with rare time on my hands thinking of them. Which leads me to, I have added a new category to my blog, “The Mommy Chronicles” because I’m afraid as much as I love talking about reading and writing, babies and baby stuff are all consuming right now on my brain, so perhaps I will go with it and write about it. Mom life. My life. Let’s see where it goes! Thanks for coming back again! Stick around.
Confessions of a Busy Soul 