All I ever wished for was to be beautiful. Whenever I came across a wishing well, I would toss my coin in and wish for beauty. I wished upon shooting stars that I would wake up beautiful. And when I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, I wished that this would be the year that I became beautiful.
I couldn’t look in the mirror without seeing something wrong with myself. My hair was wrong, my clothes didn’t look right, and I just couldn’t get my makeup to improve my face. I was depressed, sad, and disappointed with myself. I felt alone, like no one ever understood me. I hated my family, isolated myself, barely ever went out, and sometimes even wished I would die. After endless nights of crying myself to sleep, trying to run away from home, locking myself in my room, and being afraid to look at myself in the mirror, I knew something had to change.
For many years, I didn’t realize that I was actually a beautiful person who had a lot going for herself. Eventually, I started to grow out of my awkward puberty stage and develop into a woman. I started taking better care of myself, and little by little my confidence grew. Suddenly it didn’t matter as much what people thought of me. The girl who once blended in with the wall had matured, grown, and become wiser. People started noticing a difference, and I started interacting with others around me without wondering what they thought of me. I found my personal style and become comfortable with it. What I didn’t know was that in order for everyone to think highly of me, I had to think highly of myself first.
This wasn’t something that happened overnight. I still work on believing that I’m perfect just the way I am. I have ugly days and critique myself in the mirror; that’s normal. But I have overcome the desire to be something I’m not. I won’t be the next Marilyn Monroe or Julia Roberts, but that’s okay because I’ll be beautiful to me. It is enough to simply accept and love myself.
Originally Published in: Nobody’s Perfect