Victim Of Circumstance

It’s 5:30am in the morning and my baby’s awake. Consequently so I am. What else is there to do at this time of the morning than sip a coffee and contemplate life? We have just come home from a family holiday in Kelowna. I went up to celebrate my soon-too-be sister in law’s stagette, but I decided to stay a few more days to have some family time with just me, my husband and our boys. During those couple of days together I managed to sneak a few minutes to finish reading Ariana Huffington’s book, Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating A Life of Well Being, Wisdom and Wonder. I’ve seen the reviews online of this book were split equally; people either think it’s a good read or a terrible one. (Stay tuned for my official review of the book soon) Lucky for me, I liked it and found I could take something away from it. Basically the point of the book is to seize the day and remind yourself what is really important. This got me thinking about how we can become victim to our situations too easily. All too often we make excuses for the things that don’t make us happy or that don’t bring positivity to our lives. Our jobs, our homes, people. We make excuses for why we can’t change or eliminate these things from our lives. Like… I’d quit my job but I need the money. I’d love to live somewhere tropical but that’s not reasonable.

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In the three and a half hour drive up, my son asked me about fifty times, “are we on holiday yet?” He was so desperate to be there. I was too for that matter. When I was a child, Kelowna was the place my family went every year for our family vacation, so it holds a special place in my heart. It’s like a home away from home for me. I remember all the fun times I had with my brothers on the lake; paddling our boat, swimming trying to avoid the “seaweed” below us, jumping off the dock. We were free. We loved it there and now here I was sharing this love of Kelowna with my sons.  When we finally reached our accommodation, my oldest was so excited. The place we rented was right on the beach with the lake steps away from our door. Immediately my son grabbed a few of his toys and ran to the beach to play. I didn’t hear a word from him the whole time we unpacked the car and set up everything. He was completely at peace playing in the sand and discovering this new world. The four of us were at peace there together. We played, built sand castles, swam in the pool, played hide and seek for days. I was blessed with having a moment to relive my childhood with my sons.

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Before we went away, I felt like I was stuck in a rut. I was sick of looking at the same four walls of my house, of all the renos still left unfinished, the giant hole in the ceiling from our leaking master bathroom, the basement filled with stuff I have to deal with. I even contemplated moving just to escape it. But when we arrived home after our holiday, I felt like I was seeing things in a renewed light. Instead of problems I see potential. I see how happy my boys were to be back in their own beds the first night back. I see that I really actually love my house. I love the layout, the creativity it sparks in me. Yes it’s older and needs work, but I can once again see the good in it. I have the power to create it the way I want.

That’s the power of getting away for a few days to unplug and unwind. I feel like I have taken a step back  to really appreciate that life is short and we really have to take a good look at what is important. Staring at the lake, the mountains, the beach and reading Ariana Huffington’s book really reminded me we are not victim to our situations. We have full control of where our lives go. We can choose to change things we don’t like or at very least change the way we see them. I need to unplug more and appreciate the small things… hearing my sons giggle together in the other room, close my eyes and appreciate the taste of my glass of wine, the softness of my pillow as my head lays upon it. There is so much beauty in the simplest of things. The more I see the things that make me happy the less space there is for the things that make me unhappy. I don’t want to be a victim of myself today. I might not be able to run away to Kelowna every week, but I have my imagination.

That’ll be my gift to myself today… it’s my birthday today on a side note… and I am going to love every second it. I survived another year and it’s going to be a great day no matter where I spend it.

Until next week,

❤ Melissa

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When The Tether Snaps

2016-06-14 16.13.35To me writing is like speaking a foreign language; you need to use or lose it. It’s far too easy to walk away from the blank page staring at me and say I don’t have time today. Before I know it suddenly a month has passed and the blank page is still glaring at me. Empty. I know my blogs have been absent for some weeks now and I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry to myself and to my readers. I have to admit that I was kind of in a weird head space the last few weeks. My kids were both going through a transition period and I was along for the ride. My oldest moved on to the “big boy” bed and consequently stopped napping during the day time. That was a big shock to my system considering he used to nap at least two to three hours a day. My youngest has gotten four teeth in a matter of three weeks. To anyone who has lived through a teething infant, you know that it can be hell! He was getting up three times a night and still waking up around 6:30 in the morning. I was up all night with the baby and spent all day with both my kids. As my oldest transitions out of nap time, he still gets very tired during the day time, but refuses to sleep. Have you meet an over tired toddler that refuses to nap?? Let me tell you the epic meltdowns I’ve lived through are rough. An hour of crying for ANY reason, ANY: I told him he had to share with his brother, told him he couldn’t have a treat, told him he could have some quiet time in bed, I looked at him, I looked at his brother, I stayed in his room, I left his room… the list goes on. I was so exhausted. Dealing with the tantrums during the day and then a crying baby all night will wear on your nerves especially when all you want is a little alone time.

I have always been the type of person who enjoys her own company. I need alone time to reboot my system and process my thoughts. It keeps my sane. So I suppose I have been going a little insane as we all adjust to this new daily life. I have insisted both boys are in bed at 7:30pm every night which has given me a little more time at night, but I don’t really get that to myself because my husband is there. While I love his company, sometimes I just need to be alone. Last week I tried to get my oldest to give me thirty minutes twice a week to go for a run on the treadmill while the baby naps in the afternoon. We are still working on that. He tries to “run” with me or just throws stuff at me to get my attention, but I’m confident eventually he will get bored with it and just play while I have my quiet run time.

So needlessly to say that given my afternoon writing time has disappeared, I haven’t been able to do much. It’s been a tough transition for me to accept that I don’t get a break in the day to collect my thoughts and maybe even sit for a few minutes uninterrupted. But I will adapt. We all will adapt. We will find another way to co-exist happily and I will have to find another slot of time to write.

Sorry for the gap… once again. I can’t promise there won’t be another on the way because I’m certain there will be. But I do promise myself to try to write. I will try to keep that writing tether intact, so my creative juices keep flowing as much as possible. I have so many ideas in my mind and I will find the time to put them down on paper. I already have a blog post lined up for next week that you won’t want to miss. Trust me!

As always, thank you for sticking with me, for reading and for commenting. Your support is amazing!

Until next time,

❤ Melissa