My Heavy Heart Confession

Hello again…. firstly I want to thank those of you who took my poll last week. There weren’t many of you, so I appreciate those who took the time to participate and to comment. I enjoyed seeing the results. It appears most of you are dirty because 50 Shades of Sexy won. I guess I need to add some more sexy description in my book, Unforeseen, to keep you happy. Ha, ha!

This week I feel like I am under the gun. Normally I have a  blog already written early in the week and I spend Thursday editing it, so it’s ready for Friday morning…. well it’s Thursday at 1:00pm and here I am scrambling to write. I really didn’t even know what to talk about this week. Though I have a list of  ten topics to blog about ready to go, I didn’t feel like any of them fit my mood this week. I tried to keep things light last week with my blog topic but I can’t suppress the fact that my heart is heavy this week. I’m sure most people in my life wouldn’t have any idea because I try to keep it well hidden. I feel like every where I turn: the news, Facebook, work, life, there is more and more sad news. Death, destruction, illness, sadness… it’s like evil is always at our heels. Even at the best of times I tend to get overwhelmed by my emotions because I take it all into my heart. Writing is the only way for me to take what I am feeling and put it into words. I am hopeless when it comes to talking out loud about my feelings and it isn’t because I don’t trust the people I love the most with my fears and worries… it is because I myself most of the time cannot understand them enough to try to explain how I am feeling. I have always been better at listening than talking.

I continue to search for understanding in this world…. it seems it is easier to be sad and angry then it is to be happy and hopeful. I know this isn’t always the case; one example this week is yesterday at work I received a call from one of our members who just called to thank me for helping him and doing a great job. He said he appreciated what I had done for him and wanted me to know. I appreciated his appreciation. 9 times out of 10 the calls I receive are from someone complaining about the rules in our office. Why? Why are we so quick to complain and so hesitant to compliment? I’m still trying to figure that one out!

My Dad put it best this week, “it seems most people in this world are living their lives asleep”. When we will wake up and see? We are destroying this precious and beautiful world with our need to consume and our hate. Fishing all our fish to extinction, disposing of our garbage in the ocean, clearing forests, people killing each other… when we will wake up and see we are capable and deserving of so much more?

It won’t be tomorrow, not a year from now, probably not even a decade from now. That doesn’t stop me from continuing to try to do better. I will still recycle as much as I can and try to produce less waste by using less plastic ; I will support those who advocate for protection of animals and Mother Nature; be more conscious of the products I purchase and the impact they make on the planet. But above all else, I will teach my son to appreciate this Earth, to search for ways to treat it with the respect it deserves and do better than his parents have, than his grandparents, than his great grandparents and to one day teach his children to be better than him. I will keep my hope that over the next few generations they will find a way to fix most of the destruction we have caused and  learn from our ignorance and neglect. I will hope maybe those generations yet to be will be born into this world, awake, and full of love for each other and our precious home. Hopefully they will see advancing technology isn’t the answer we thought it was but rather fuels greed and corruption.

I hope this enlightenment will happen before the wrath of our destructive ways is irreversible and the gift of this world burns.

I know we are capable of more, of better.

I pray we get the opportunity to prove it.

With a heavy but hopeful heart,


Poll: How Naughty Do You Like Your Book?

Hi everyone, this week I’m looking for some feedback on what you enjoy or don’t enjoy in a sexy-time scene when reading a book. We all know how the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy exploded into a massive readership and there were some pretty dirty scenes. I guess that’s what intrigued most of us into reading them, just to find out how far E. L. James was going to go, or should I say how far were Ana and Christian going to go.

In my novel, Unforeseen that I’m writing currently I do have a couple of love scenes that I’ve written and there might be one or two still to come. How much sex is too much? As a reader do you want to know every move the characters are making, the penetration, the quivering climax or do you shy away from all the glorious detail and prefer more romantic details. For me as a reader, I do enjoy a little graphic detail, but I hate reading the corny way sometimes it can be described in typical romance novels such as… ‘his pulsating manhood’. I mean what lady in real life is thinking… damn I want his manhood right now? It takes me right out of the moment in the story and I can’t help but laugh. I’d like to think readers are more sophisticated than that. Should we call it like it is… his penis? Or is that too crude and distracting from the story telling?

I’ve created a poll below to get your feedback. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Sex-Factor of a great romance book. What’s your rating?

As always, thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts! Happy Friday!

❤ Melissa


The Word Count Relief

Hi everyone, it’s almost the long weekend. Yay! Well for me it has already begun and thank goodness. Our little family is escaping the hustle and bustle of busy life for a leisurely trip to a sleepy beach town. Time to unwind and relax. So needed!!

This week I really struggled with what topic to write about on my blog this week. Last week was very personal to me and difficult to write. I put a lot of pressure on myself to find the best words I could to honour Jackie. I don’t think I would ever be 100% happy with what I said because you can never give someone’s life justice in a few words. However, this week I wanted to lighten things up a little and talk about my favorite button in Microsoft Word… the Word Count tool. I love Word Count. No I’m serious I really do. Every time I sit down to write my novel I always check my word count on what I’ve written that day. My goal is to write about 500 words each writing session and I’ve been so excited the past two times to say I’ve written about 1200 words each time. I know 500 words is really nothing in the grand scheme of my book, but each time I’m getting closer to the end. So in a weird way checking my word count every time brings me some small relief that I am getting there. Currently in total I have written over 20,000 words!! I can’t believe it. Only several 10’s of thousands to go. 🙂 The first novel I wrote, which is very poorly written, keep in mind I was seventeen when I wrote it has over 76,000 words in total. So 56,000 more to go! Ha. In the book world that’s considered a novella not a full novel. At the end of the day, I’ll just have to wait, write and see where my current book finishes at.

I promise I will be giving a sneak peek at some of what I’ve written in the next couple weeks, but first I will be asking for some of your input. Next week there will even be a poll where you can vote on how much sexiness you like in the books you read. Stay tuned for that!

For now, enjoy your long weekend! I hope you get time to relax, laugh and spend extra time with the people you love. Until next week!

❤ Melissa

Heaven Gains – Dedicated to Jackie

jackieHi everyone, I hope you are all doing well. This past week was a very difficult one. My son and my Dad were very sick but worst of all Thursday we lost a very special person. Duane’s aunt Jackie passed away. It is a devastating loss to her family and friends and I felt it was important to dedicate this week to her. She was such a special person and what I remember about her most is her fun, youthful personality. She lived in South Africa but came to visit us here twice; the most recent being 2010 for our wedding. When she was here, she joked around with us about going on a “jol”, which is a South African slang term for party or to have fun. The whole time she was here it felt like a permanent jol. She was so full of fun. When she found out Duane and I were expecting a baby in 2012, she was so excited. She texted me all the time asking how I was and asking me to send her photos of my growing belly. Though she never got to meet Dylan in person, she would always comment on his photos we posted on Facebook. She was a proud great Aunty.

She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis a few years ago and had been suffering in pain especially during the past year. She passed away of a heart attack at home, two days after her 50th birthday. Though I feel she should have been given the gift of much more life, I try to take comfort in knowing she no longer is in pain and has been reunited with her parents whom she loved very much. There, she is safe with them.

I believe strongly that there is life after death and our loved ones souls stay connected to us, but I find the physical loss difficult to accept at times. I cling to photographs of happy times and play the memories over in my mind like a movie. The distance between Canada and South Africa is vast, but the distance between Earth and Heaven can feel immense sometimes. It can get lonely in sad times when we wish we could turn to those loved ones for comfort.

Losing someone reminds me that I have the gift of today but possibly not tomorrow, and I want to take the opportunity each day to be present within the moments I am given: to really feel the rain on my skin or the sun on my face; to listen to the wind rustling the leaves of my maple tree in my backyard; to hear the sound of my son’s heartbeat as I lay my head next to him; or to accept the warmth Duane’s hand gives to mine when we hold each other. Life is beautiful when we are able to embrace every day here with the people we love.

For me, the best way to honour those special people I have lost is to embrace everything this life has to offer. I am guilty of putting off things until tomorrow or the next day and still never getting to them. Since the beginning of this year, I have been making a point to do more of the things I love and obsessing less about the crappy things like cleaning, but now I want to make even more time do the things that make me happy.

To Jackie, the world has lost a beautiful person, but heaven has gained an amazing soul. You filled the lives of the people around you with love and laughter. What better gift could you have left us with than wonderful memories of the times we share together and the reminder to hold those we love a little closer and to love them a little harder. Thank you. Until we jol again some day…

❤ Melissa